the 400 very soft blows
anatomy of a hater
i’m getting trolled on substack right now because of my essay entitled ‘white people inside asian grocery stores piss me off (is it because i’m white?)’ the essay is behind a paywall so the trolls have no idea that the title of the essay is in reference to SOMEONE ELSE saying that in a viral video. they think my essay is actually about how i personally hate white people in asian grocery stores. the troll posts are all longwinded comments about how reductive and ‘hateful’ it is for ‘me to say that’. the thing that makes me sad is i went to a lot of their pages thinking they were just trolls and realized they are actual aspiring writers and content creators not getting much traction. unsurprisingly, a lot of what they’re sharing on substack notes are criticisms about other people’s work, neglecting their own work in the process.
they’re haters.
the thing these mouth-breathing virgins don’t understand that is i am cut from the same cloth. i was born in the shadows. i am, too, a hater. i was raised being told by my parents that i wasn’t good enough to be anything. i never even tried because i thought i wasn’t allowed. i became incredibly jealous of anyone else who had not only the bravery but seemingly the support to do what they wanted. so i spent all of my energy tearing down other people who were trying. i understand the suffocating pain of feeling like you’re not allowed to create, bro. trust me i do. i also understand the panicky fear that maybe my parents were right, maybe i do suck ass and it’s better not to ever try. because then no one will know i’m stupid. my mom used to straight up say that to me: youngmi, if you don’t say anything no one will know you’re stupid! which is legit the funniest fucking burn ever. my mom is so fucking funny. she’s a hater too. because she was told she wasn’t good enough to do anything either.
my mom is an excellent hater. she is brilliant. hateration is her medium, her art. she can read someone from a kilometer away and eviscerate them with surgical precision. i learned how to do this from her. we are both excellent at it, because you see, we are talented. we are both smart, naturally gifted comedians and writers. and if she had not been told by her mom that she was too stupid to try, she could’ve been a contender. she could’ve been somebody. instead she just became a primo hater, and taught me how to do that as well.
which brings me to the point of this essay and the message i want to tell all the haters and the losers: the recipe for haterade requires two things: yes, you have to think you’re not good enough and be too scared to try BUT you must ALSO be actually smart and talented. meaning if you’re a hater, you are probably better than the people you’re hating on. because to be a hater you must be funny, and being funny requires an enormous amount of talent and intelligence. talent and intelligence with nowhere else to go.
there’s one other not necessary component, but something i noticed a lot of successful haters have: being brought up poor. i think this is important to mention because although incel discourse is abundant online, no one ever EVER seems to bring up the fact that the majority of the men suffering from the ‘male loneliness andrew tate incel alt right’ epidmeic are not just men and boys but poor men and boys. why is that important? because i think a lot of people will read this and think, ‘no one has ever told a white boy in america that he isn’t good enough.’ and it’s true. men have privilege in that way. i was told i wasn’t ‘good enough’ by my parents but also subliminally by society. boys don’t have to deal with that.
it’s also important to bring up being poor because NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT. because as soon as you bring it up, people will bring up the fact that everyone else has it so much worse. and that’s true. EVERYONE ELSE also faces poverty in this country ON TOP of racism, sexism, homophobia etc. I GET IT PLEASE. whenever the class oppression of white men is brought up, it’s treated like the person who brought it up is saying ‘being a poor white is worse than being Black or gay!’ and i’m not saying that at all. the reason i bring it up is by not allowing anyone to acknowledge it, we have created an environment where we HELP rich people. i think the reason this topic of discussion is so fraught is like… some sort of propaganda injected into society so we get too scared to talk about it and the rich white people just keep getting away with it.
the truth is like, as stupid as white men are in this country, it’s mostly the rich ones. the rich talentless ones that get nepo-babied into getting all the jobs suck total complete ass. and sometimes i’ll come across some methy white hater dude in front of a gas station and think, damn this guy is actually smart. so a lot of the hate we have for incompetent white men is misdirected anger we have towards wealthy people who cheat the system to put their dumb kids on top. and i’m not saying the poor methy white men deserve to be put in front of everyone else, i’m just saying.. it’s just something i’ve noticed ok.
ok so what is the point of this essay? it’s an inspiring story for the haters and it’s the answer to all of their problems. and just to be a total fucking bitch. i’m going to put it behind a paywall (sorry boys).